It's kind of weird. I have a sexual libido not surpassed by many men. And not just sex in itself but passion. I actually fantasize about kissing and simply moving my hands all over a woman body. Seeing lovers in public that touch each other in simple normal ways turns me on. I really really like cuddling and the one thing I truly desire is waking up next to the same wonderful beautiful every morning.
Yet I don't sleep around. While I've had some cheap flings I initially thought would be one night stands so far to date I have never actually had a one night stand. I've had comments of "doesn't it go down" to "men like you don't exist". And men that truly know me shake their heads and tell me how I could be an incredible "player". Yet I don't sleep around.
I don't usually approach women straight off but prefer to watch from a distance over time. Women never mean what they say so I watch instead to find out what kind of person they are. Who have they dated? What are they attracted to? Who do they make friends with. How much do they sleep around. I've turned down enough one night stands and sure things than I care to think about.
If anything I've turned myself into an anti-player. I've incredibly intelligent yet I've eschewed getting pretentious college degrees. I'm a straight shooter, I find it very hard to lie though I've learned that it's a necessary skill to simplify whatever your talking about and to tell people what they want to hear; I'd make a terrible sales person. I don't parade around in an expensive automobile. I have a motorcycle but it's not a Harley because I find that sub culture itself pretentious though I love motorcycles in and of themselves. I don't have a fancy job, I'll survive on temp work and sometimes I have only a couple dollars in my pocket. All I have is me, and everyone that actually gets to know me tells me how awesome I am. And it's not that I can't be more or don't want to be more, it's just that I don't have anyone to be that for and if I were that already, if I were the doctor or the lawyer, I would know that chances are it wasn't me she was attracted to but rather the clothes.
All the shit women say about how non materialistic they are compared to other women or how they don't sleep around is 99% pure bull. Same with what they say they want in a man. All that I have a job and can take care of myself is just talk. Faced with reality they run off with a guy with a nice car, clothes, that flashes money, and treats them like the commodity they really are.
Yet I'm a hopeless romantic foul and I believe in soul mates. And I hurt dam it!
Calgon take me away!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Electronic Tattoos / Squid Skin
While I am a nerd through and through, I don't look like one. I look like an ex-jock or hells angel except I don't have any tattoos.
I think many geeks became geeks more out of being meek looking and socially outcast than out of anything fundamentally different about their brain or intelligence. My brain on the other hand is wired differently. I have a fundamentally more difficult time socially interacting with people than an average person realizes. I have been trying to deal with this problem for most of my life. My thought process is fundamentally different. It's something like being dyslexic or having autism. Anyways I digress.
My appearance is that of a jock/biker. I'm a walking Neanderthal. I may have chosen to shave my head but overall I have little choice over what I look like or how strong I am or how my body is built. I am brains and brawn. For what I look like I must say tattoo's would look good on me. But I'm way too choosy and I am apt to change my mind. I dare say if I eventually decide to have traditional tattoos I would plan out my whole body theme and design before one drop of ink were injected into my skin and it would all be completed within a year.
But it just occurred to me while sitting in a bar this Saturday looking at other people with tattoos, what if tattoos could be dynamically changed? What if something equivalent to E-Ink were injected into the skin rather than pigments... You could erase or make them transparent in the morning when you goto work and turn them on after a change of closes after work... At another level you could change your tattoo design as often as you changed your clothes. It would be a little bothersome as you would need to move something like an electronic printer over any skin you wished to change.
This isn't completely practical with modern E-Inks as they have a limited life and can only be changed a limited number of times. But something equivelent and more reliable is sure to core around.
Now think about squids. Some squids can not only dynamic change their coloring and pattern dynamically but can also glow to a limited extent.
This isn't a prediction, this is going to happen. A guy will be able to walk into the equivalent of a plastic surgeons office and get a blood sample taken, the following week he will return and be given a shot. This shot will transform his outer skin into something similar to a squids membrane, complete with new nerves that will interface with an implanted microcomputer somewhere in his body. He will be able to think and instantly change the appearance of his skin.. just like a squid and be able to save and restore patterns to an external computer. Something similar might even be available with hair. I don't know about you but this thought just blows me mind. Forget about clothes... hmmm which tattoo am I going to wear today...
I think many geeks became geeks more out of being meek looking and socially outcast than out of anything fundamentally different about their brain or intelligence. My brain on the other hand is wired differently. I have a fundamentally more difficult time socially interacting with people than an average person realizes. I have been trying to deal with this problem for most of my life. My thought process is fundamentally different. It's something like being dyslexic or having autism. Anyways I digress.
My appearance is that of a jock/biker. I'm a walking Neanderthal. I may have chosen to shave my head but overall I have little choice over what I look like or how strong I am or how my body is built. I am brains and brawn. For what I look like I must say tattoo's would look good on me. But I'm way too choosy and I am apt to change my mind. I dare say if I eventually decide to have traditional tattoos I would plan out my whole body theme and design before one drop of ink were injected into my skin and it would all be completed within a year.
But it just occurred to me while sitting in a bar this Saturday looking at other people with tattoos, what if tattoos could be dynamically changed? What if something equivalent to E-Ink were injected into the skin rather than pigments... You could erase or make them transparent in the morning when you goto work and turn them on after a change of closes after work... At another level you could change your tattoo design as often as you changed your clothes. It would be a little bothersome as you would need to move something like an electronic printer over any skin you wished to change.
This isn't completely practical with modern E-Inks as they have a limited life and can only be changed a limited number of times. But something equivelent and more reliable is sure to core around.
Now think about squids. Some squids can not only dynamic change their coloring and pattern dynamically but can also glow to a limited extent.
This isn't a prediction, this is going to happen. A guy will be able to walk into the equivalent of a plastic surgeons office and get a blood sample taken, the following week he will return and be given a shot. This shot will transform his outer skin into something similar to a squids membrane, complete with new nerves that will interface with an implanted microcomputer somewhere in his body. He will be able to think and instantly change the appearance of his skin.. just like a squid and be able to save and restore patterns to an external computer. Something similar might even be available with hair. I don't know about you but this thought just blows me mind. Forget about clothes... hmmm which tattoo am I going to wear today...
Saturday, March 3, 2007
How tastes and attractions change
First food. I use to love certain foods when I was younger, now as I am older I find them rather bland. While other foods which I swore I'd hate until the day I died I actually now find absolutely delicious. When I first started drinking a few years back I found the taste of alcohol very unsavory. Now I actually find the different tastes and effects very sophisticated. I use to hate V8, tomato juice, and green olives. Now I will get cravings for each of them. And I very much enjoy Bloody Mary's now.
Now as for attraction. I'm probably the only male that isn't gay that would actually admit this but my absolute first crush was on another boy when I was 5. There was nothing sexual about it. I was just in awe of meeting another boy that looked like me, white blond hair, blue eyes, and fair. It's kind of how one looks upon an older brother in awe. But never the less it was my first crush because I liked looking at him. It's also strange to note how my first two out of three female crushes were Hispanic. Now I generally don't find Hispanic women all that attractive. Ever since then I've just been infatuated more than less with fair skinned women.
But even the form of that changed. Usually the girl was either tall or very slim. I absolutely detested larger girls. After I turned about 28 I noticed quite dramatically I started looking at thicker women and women with larger posteriors. I also preferred long straight hair over curvy or wavy but now I find myself attracted to some women if for no other reason than their wavy hair.
Another thing as a younger man the thought of two woman sexually together was a turn on. Now, for the most part, it's a turn off. People are as they are and I'll accept them. If your a lesbian, I may initially be attracted to you but the thought of not being able to satisfy your desires is disturbing and I'll turn off soon enough. I'm even less attracted to bisexuals, it's like they think they deserve one of each. They may say they don't but it's part of the subconscious desires of a true bisexual. You can be with them but no one person can ever really satisfy them. And also I'm not talking about women that can tolerate putting on a show for men but really aren't in the least gay; that they would dance and maybe kiss with other women when you know they are doing it for your benefit is a turn on. Oddly I think if I were to get in a serious relationship and later find out the girl was into other women, where other men would get down on their knees and thank god, it would break my heart.
I am a very weird man.
Now as for attraction. I'm probably the only male that isn't gay that would actually admit this but my absolute first crush was on another boy when I was 5. There was nothing sexual about it. I was just in awe of meeting another boy that looked like me, white blond hair, blue eyes, and fair. It's kind of how one looks upon an older brother in awe. But never the less it was my first crush because I liked looking at him. It's also strange to note how my first two out of three female crushes were Hispanic. Now I generally don't find Hispanic women all that attractive. Ever since then I've just been infatuated more than less with fair skinned women.
But even the form of that changed. Usually the girl was either tall or very slim. I absolutely detested larger girls. After I turned about 28 I noticed quite dramatically I started looking at thicker women and women with larger posteriors. I also preferred long straight hair over curvy or wavy but now I find myself attracted to some women if for no other reason than their wavy hair.
Another thing as a younger man the thought of two woman sexually together was a turn on. Now, for the most part, it's a turn off. People are as they are and I'll accept them. If your a lesbian, I may initially be attracted to you but the thought of not being able to satisfy your desires is disturbing and I'll turn off soon enough. I'm even less attracted to bisexuals, it's like they think they deserve one of each. They may say they don't but it's part of the subconscious desires of a true bisexual. You can be with them but no one person can ever really satisfy them. And also I'm not talking about women that can tolerate putting on a show for men but really aren't in the least gay; that they would dance and maybe kiss with other women when you know they are doing it for your benefit is a turn on. Oddly I think if I were to get in a serious relationship and later find out the girl was into other women, where other men would get down on their knees and thank god, it would break my heart.
I am a very weird man.
Give Them Wine....
Well I discovered another blog this weekend. Triplecream by Bree Crocetti. I found her doing a search for Bottle Rock. I very much like wine and I'm interested in finding a reasonably priced wine bar to try out a lot of the more expensive wines to find those which I like as well as to develop a more sophisticated pallet for them. I love cheese which is often featured at wine bars. Plus it will give me a chance to associate with another click of people. I love diversity.
I can drink all sorts of hard liqueur and it takes a lot to get me drunk, but give me a few glasses of wine and my head is spinning. It's amazing how different alcohols effect different people differently. I like drinking on weekend evenings but I prefer to stay close by in Culver City just in case I drink too much.
Well it turns out Bree is a local connoisseur of restaurants and wine. She has a lot of great reviews for places mostly on the westside and she takes lots of pictures. And it turns out not just one new wine bar opened up locally but two! Right under my nose... The other bar features mostly Italian wines on some sort of fancy wine dispenser. I think Danial, my local Taxi driver is going to start getting a lot more business as those places are on the the other side of town.
I can drink all sorts of hard liqueur and it takes a lot to get me drunk, but give me a few glasses of wine and my head is spinning. It's amazing how different alcohols effect different people differently. I like drinking on weekend evenings but I prefer to stay close by in Culver City just in case I drink too much.
Well it turns out Bree is a local connoisseur of restaurants and wine. She has a lot of great reviews for places mostly on the westside and she takes lots of pictures. And it turns out not just one new wine bar opened up locally but two! Right under my nose... The other bar features mostly Italian wines on some sort of fancy wine dispenser. I think Danial, my local Taxi driver is going to start getting a lot more business as those places are on the the other side of town.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Thanks for the music
Mr. Vilians you were my guitar teacher in school and I just want to say thank you. I received A's in all your classes but we both know it wasn't because I actually had any talent, it was because I just really enjoyed picking up a guitar and being able to play something. And you gave me that and every time I pick up a guitar I'm always grateful for it. Thank you.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Steve & Barry's
Took a stroll this afternoon. Stopped at a bunch of places but ended up at the Fox Hills mall. This is totally going to sound like an ad... I finally got check out Steven & Barry's and let me tell you, it's a good thing I didn't have a recent paycheck in my hand or I would have spent at least $300. It's all mostly cotton clothing but the style is basic solid colors and simple designs. It's like they totally understand me. At $8 for shirts and $11 for pants and jeans I would have ended up with a complete leisure wardrobe. With this store and then going to thrift stores I might actually turn into a clothes person. And I really hate shopping for clothes! I think it's the clutter I don't like in most stores but this store was completely uncluttered. I can just stand in one spot and I know I want that, and that, and that... and then get on with my life. I'm still going to force myself to obey my 3 week rule: if I don't remember it after three weeks... I don't need it!
I need to meet new people. All I seem to do at home is nap. I'm going to post an add on CL to meet new people and see if anyone bites.
I need to meet new people. All I seem to do at home is nap. I'm going to post an add on CL to meet new people and see if anyone bites.
Movies
I went to the movies yesterday afternoon. I saw "The Bridge to Tarabithia". The biggest problem I had with the film was my preoccupation with figuring out if the characters were imagining everything or if it was real. It distracted me somewhat from the real story which hits you like a sack of bricks the way it comes out of nowhere. I was seriously fighting back the tears on this one. I'm still not exactly sure what the theme is. Relationships? Imagination? Art? Maybe sharing and friendships? Doesn't matter, it was definitely worth seeing.
I also stuck around and saw Ghost Rider. I was expecting it to totally suck but was pleasantly surprised that it was actually decent. It wasn't superman returns or spiderman but it was alright.
I also stuck around and saw Ghost Rider. I was expecting it to totally suck but was pleasantly surprised that it was actually decent. It wasn't superman returns or spiderman but it was alright.
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